Four years ago next month, I began a free fall that changed my life forever. September 3, 2006 Logan Pennington, one of my favorite classmates from high school, was killed along with his brother by their father who then turned the gun on himself. September 26, 2006 Christopher Allen Todd my best friend and the man that was supposed to be my youngest child's godfather committed suicide. I had recently been diagnosed with seizure disorder and narcolepsy, was in the process of a divorce following a violent and bitter relationship, and had begun to fall back into the pattern of distructive thoughts. I was tired of being strong, and I was tired of fighting the good fight...so instead I fell...and fast. I tried to drink away my grief, guilt, and pain. I started pulling away from anyone that caused me pain, even if they were trying to help. I quickly moved on to loosing myself in a party lifestyle to keep myself numb to the pain and give me the energy to face the day. I whithered away with each breath. I lost my kids, my home, my job, my car, and my self respect in a short order. I became a ghost of the person I had been in every way,
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| Then and now....Picture on the right was taken early 2007. Picture on the left was taken August 2010. |
but I have been blessed with a new lease on life. Everyday I feel myself getting stronger, and I've even begun seeing the beauty surrounding me again. I'm back up to a healthy weight (okay a little more than healthy now), and I have begun to explore the myself through drawing, painting, and writting again. I've learned to love my strengths instead of cursing my limitations. I know see the world ahead of me as an adventure instead of a death sentence, and that's why my first blessing is second chances.
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