Blessing #66 - Wii, Wii, Wii....All the Way Home

Yesterday's blessing posted late......

Got home from work to discover that mom and dad bought a Wii today.  I'm amped cause I love the Wii.  Now I get to get all the fun of picking out games for us to play.

Then we all went to a bonfire at my friend Brenda's house.  I haven't seen dad this entertained and relaxed in a long time.  We all, genuinely, enjoyed ourselves.  :-)

Blessing #65 - Walkabout Wisdom 3

Blessing #64 - Surprise Family Time

Gregory was let go early from his job.  His last day was to be Saturday, but we ended up getting some extra family time today when they released him within an hour of reporting.  "How did we use this extra time together?" you ask.  FOOD!  Family dinner at Applebee's.  YUM!

Mom, Dad, and Greg had their first desert shooters... GOOD TIMES.

Blessing #63 - Wonky Days

First I tried to do the supply order at work and ran across this......

yes look at that more carefully...the description of the toner cartridge says....
 Grill sandwiches and waffles with your free 2 slice sandwich maker....
I guess some companies will do anything for a sale nowadays.

Then a woman came in to ask if we had an original will from the 1970's.  Initially that isn't weird but when you consider the person died in 1984, and they have never put the estate into probate.....that means that one cousin got away with living on the land for over 20 years while the other cousin paid for the taxes and now neither one of them actually has legal claim to the property....OUCH!

Blessing #62 - Sorry Ghost Rider Pattern is Full

Unmanned vehicle hit my parent's van today.  The BIGGEST blessing of the day was that nobody got hurt and there were no major damages.

Blessing #61 - Two Fingers of (Butter) Scotch and Some Sage (Words)

The one thing that I love about real friends is that they always tell you how it is even when it is going to hurt.  In the past 24 hours, two friends with very different experiences of me have both field checked me. 

First Joe was pretty blunt in addressing my reaction to the doctor wanting to burn out my uterus.  He very plainly explained that my fears about completely closing the door to the idea of risking another pregnancy, stating that any guy who really loved me would be able to look past my broken girlie bits....and he was completely right. (I'm still not going to rush into anything irreversible without a. a second opinion or b. insurance to pay for it.)  I can't fault his logic as he said everything I would have to any of my friends if they were in the same situation, but I guess I just needed to hear it from him.

Then today Hooch helped put in perspective another situation that has been bothering me lately.  Okay so maybe I got off the phone crying and then stayed in my bedroom bawling like a 5 year old for the rest of the night doubting my value as a person in the lives of those I love.  Maybe I ended up with bruised feelings in a overly tender heart, but having drowned my sorrows in a butterscotch milkshake I'm feeling reasonably optimistic that I'll have a better grasp on life very soon.

Love you both, but bartender keep it coming.

Blessing #60 - Blueberry Muffin Pudding

Just when I thought there was no way for junk food to tempt me further than the butterscotch cream pie that stares at me all day at work, I discovered blueberry muffin Snack Packs.  OMG....as long as they continue to produce this decadent treat I'm a full fledged devotee.

Blessing #59 - Target Ups Their Curve Appeal

Target has carried "fat girl jeans" for a while, but their new Fit 1-6 line has finally added jeans that are cut with woman shaped hip/rear/thigh line.  Up till recently all the jeans there seemed to be cut with a straight hip line, so women that had, well, womanly assets struggled with finding a jean that would both go over the fuller parts and not gape at the waist without taking them to a seamstress. 

I'm pleased to say that I am now the proud owner of an indigo wash pair of jeans that fit as well as they feel.  :-)

Blessing #58 - 120 Down; A Lifetime to Go

I have officially been a non-smoker for 120 days.  This is the longest I have gone without a smoke outside of pregnancy since I was 16.  If I made it this far, I'm feeling very confident that I will never go back to smoking again.

Blessing #57 - Walkabout Wisdom #2

Blessing #56 - Yin and Yang of Personal Care

Good news is the doctor has come up with an option to resolve at least some of my health problems.  The doctor wants to cauterize my uterus to stop/slow my female cycles.  If it works this would resolve my heavy flow issues and also could help limit the number of menstrual triggered seizures and other complications I have been struggling with for years. 

Bad news is there is no way to get the procedure approved and completed before we move back out east.  That means the onus is on me when I get back to West Virginia to either find affordable health insurance that does not have a preexisting conditions exclusion OR find another way to finance this out of pocket.  The other part of the bad news is that this procedure will not completely remove the possible need for a hysterectomy down the road in response to my abnormal paps and history of gynecological cysts/fibroid masses. 

A friend suggested I ask all my facebook friends for $20.00 as a way of raising funds.  I told her I didn't think it was quite that bad yet, but I'd let her know before I hit the street corner with a tin cup.  ;-)

The other major draw back is that this procedure would completely destroy any chance I had at even considering having my tubal ligation reversed to have children with any future husband.  I shouldn't have been considering it anyway since the reason for tying my tubes was the concerns of my OBGYN at the time.  He felt that my life and that of future pregnancies would be at risk if I continued to reproduce.  I can't say that I was really ready to offer my womb up to even the right person, but I had been giving the idea serious consideration lately. 

I guess I'm just going to have to hold out hope that either that special someone will be able to accept my inability to reproduce or that I eventually I meet someone that will be able to love me, missing pieces and all. 

Blessing #55 - Walkabout Wisdom #1

Blessing #54 - New Shoes

Got me some new shoes today.  Rock-n-Fit pod bottomed fitness shoes in bronze.  I've been wearing them most of the day, and I will admit that the outside of my calves and hips definitely feel a little worse for wear.  Here's to hoping.  Tomorrow mom and I are going to get back into the habit of walking again.  Starting with a stroll down the riverwalk, so I guess that I should charge my phone so I can snap some pics and make the most of it.

Blessing #53 - Sister Secrets

Sometimes the best secrets are those shared between sisters.  I love you, Annie-Dots, and I think you are a pretty slick chick.  I hope we have many, many years ahead of ourselves, sharing secrets and smiles and songs.  Just think, in just over a month we'll be back in the same state again.  Watch out world, you ain't seen nothing like the Western-girls calling their own shots.  ;-)



Blessing #52 - Hope for the Holidays

My oldest asked me today if (assuming we could convince his dad) he could be with me for Christmas.   After having been alone for the past 2 years at the holidays feeling lost and hopeless, I now actually have hope for a happy holiday season.  I don't know if he realizes just how far that one moment went to heal the years of despair and fear that have been constant companions since I lost custody of my children.  I've spent what feel like a life time convinced that as the time passes they need/want me less and less.  I've convinced myself more than once that they would have happier, more well adjusted if I wasn't a part of their lives anymore.  Tonight he proved to me without question that he still does want me, that I am relevant to their lives, and that things will some day get better. 

I love you, Jamie.  Thank you for the biggest blessing I could even imagine at this point.   When I said tonight was going to be about dragons, I didn't realize you were going to be the one slaying them.

Blessing #51 - A Perfect Evening

Start with 1 bottle Dragonberry Bacardi....

Add Big Bang Theory on CBS.......

....and finish up with speaking with good friends, spending time with my amazing family, and enjoying the fact that I don't have to get up early tomorrow...

could this be heaven?





Yup I think it just may be, despite the lack of a Jesus in a tuxedo T.

Blessing #50 - Afternoon Naps

I wasn't feeling well so I came home early from job #1 and took a nap this afternoon.  While I didn't feel a LOT better when I woke up, I have to admit that the luxury of an afternoon nap is something that always makes me feel happy, even if it doesn't make me feel well.

Blessing #49 - Jamie's Cell Phone

Far be it from me to actually approve of anything my ex husband does concerning our son, but Jamie having a cell phone has been a HUGE help with being able to keep in touch with him.  Some times I don't have the time to call before he should be in bed.  Other times I'm not doing well with my verbal/auditory skills because of my neurological problems.  Ergo sometimes speaking over the phone just isn't an option no matter how much I miss him.  While it may be hard for people who are fully able to understand what it means to be "dis"abled, especially if it's an intermittent condition, being able to text whenever I want is AMAZING!  So kudos and thank you for blessing me with a way to speak to him no matter what.

Blessing #48 - Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Just started reading Quirk Classic's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  Not overly impressed with writing but have to admit I love the concept.  While I definately can see Elizabeth Bennet as an assertive, tempermental zombie slayer, I'm not sure I buy the idea that in a post plague world there would still be time for balls and high tea.

Blessing #47 - In Honor of My Sons...

Today's blessing is

Turtles!



Stay thirsty, my friend




Blessing #46 - Decisions, Decisions...





It's official....we've decided to say the hell with Iowa next month and head back east.  We will be starting in Petersburg and from there....who knows. 





Take me home, country roads.

Blessing #45 - Pain

"Good morning, heartache, it's good to see you again.  I was beginning to wonder when you would return.  I see that you have been visiting many of my loved ones this week.  For a minute, I thought you had moved on, but since you're hear I would like to say thank you for blessing us with your presence."

 Okay, so maybe I'm not that happy about being surrounded by trouble and turmoil, but I am sincere in my appreciation for the pain of living. 

 I know what you are thinking.  "I thought this was supposed to be about the blessings in life."  You are absolutely correct, and so am I because your pain is an important part of you joy Khalil Gibran (one of my favorite writers ever) said “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”  I agree with this completely. 

In a time and culture obsessed with ensuring comfort (physical, spiritual, emotional, moral...etc), often times we often miss out on the opportunity to truly challenge ourselves to reach our full potential in any aspect of ourselves.  In finding the balance in accepting those things that are not ideal or (gasp) painful, we often find the best parts of ourselves, reserves of strength and motivation we were unaware we possessed.  So whether you are dealing with a friend's incarceration, the loss of a parent, or the fear of seemingly insurmountable challenge I ask you to not only allow yourself fully experience every moment of your struggle, but to also realize the blessings that come to you from facing this straight on with your head held high as you create your own balance in yourself and your world.

Blessing #44 - Realizing This Is Realy #45

Because apparently even with an IQ of 137, I am incapable of counting to 30....yup that's right, check it out... I have 2 #29s on here... and it only took me a month to catch it.  I'm leaving it the way it is though...keeps me humble and honest. 

Blessing #43 - Finding Balance in Unexpected Ways



"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter
 rises was oftentimes filled with your tears." Khalil Gibran



Today at my afternoon job, we received an irate call from a customer because their sandwich was not correct when they got home.  I attempted to make it right by offering to have the correct sandwich made and waiting for him to pick up.  I offered to write his name down in order to allow him to get his order next time on the house.  I expressed all the empathy and understanding possible from someone that has taken escalated/irate calls for almost a decade (which is to say I did everything humanly possible short of offering the guy a kidney) to no avail.  Then Brenda got on the line, repeated the entire song and dance, and ended up insulting and hanging up on the guy.  Yet in the midst of all this, somehow we ended up bringing in 4 times our normal amount of tips, getting compliments from an unusually high number of diners, and getting extra cleaning done between customers. 

I guess the moral I found in my shift tonight, along with the general theme of the past couple of days, is that balance is always there if you take the time to really look for it.  For every good there really is a bad and the other way round.  So often, I push myself forward towards my desired outcome cursing any road block that comes up between me and what I want, but it appears the universe it trying to teach me patience by tipping my scales every now and then in gentle ways to remind me who exactly really calls the shots.  I hope that by embracing my balance (and imbalances) I can become a more loving, accepting person.

Blessing #42 - Accepting the Rebirth/Renewal Cycle

In order for one cycle to begin another must first end. Like the early corn harvest the farmers have enjoyed this year, myself and some of my loved ones have been reaping the rewards of harvesting the pieces of ourselves that have fully ripened and have the unfortunate troubling task of separating out the stalks that once held us towards the suns love.  I for one am doing so with eyes open and respect in my soul for the troubling tasks ahead.  So today I choose to celebrate my place in the cycle of my own renewal and send love to those that are struggling with their own.

Blessing #41 - Creating Sacred Space

I don't know why exactly those little day to day rituals do so much to create a bubble of sacred space even in the most harried and stressful situations?  Today not only did I take the time to make chicken Alfredo from scratch and take a nice long green tea scented bath, and it took me from being on edge and emotional to being energized and at peace (weird combo but hey I'm a weird girl).  When I was a child, i said a child's prayers.  As an youth, I mimicked the faith life of the adults in my life.  As an adult I've found the best way to get in touch with the divine in me is to get in touch with myself through the little moments I get creating, cleansing, and contemplating. 

Blessing #40 - Loving With A Whole Heart

My heart has been singing the past couple days.  A person that I have held strong feelings for years towards has taken the time to express his respect for me and his joy in having me in his life.  Regardless of what path we will or will not end up on in the future, the fact that this person, who has had every reason to write me off, sees value in me and genuinely feels loved by me after everything....well it gives fills my heart with joy in knowing that there are people out there who will judge me for the person I am at heart not the mistakes that I've made in the past or the struggles I've had inside my self.