Blessing #35 - Christopher Allen Todd

Ah, yes.....everyone has that one person that comes into one's life and changes it forever.  For me that was Chris, and with Chris it was a mixed blessing.  The first time I remember meeting him was on my wedding day.  He and his wife had been friends with my new husband.  He even gave a toast.  He quickly became one of my closest friends.  When we found out I was pregnant with Libby, he and his wife were obvious choices for godparents.  The two of them even came to the hospital for my c-section and helped John through the waiting game (I had to be put completely under due to underlying medical problems and the anesthesiologist was concerned that I still may not make it through).  He stood beside me through the divorce, and the two of us shared secrets....like our history of suicide attempts and ongoing battles with depression.  He truly became the other half of my heart....
Then he asked me out.  I said no.  I couldn't risk our friendship; it meant way too much....and, as much as I hate to admit it, I couldn't bear the thought of putting him in the cross hairs of my less intelligent, open-minded family members.  There was just too much at risk.  He went so far as to have me put my mother on the phone to try to work the affection he knew she had for him to press his advantage.  She sided with me.  When I got off the phone, I was worried about the next time I saw him, and I was angry with him for putting me in that position...I didn't hear from him again...Four days later I got the call.  He had lost his battle, and I still struggle every day with the guilt that I drown in for so long. 
Even though he left far to quickly, and I have struggled with his loss for so long, he IS still a blessing that I am very glad I could count for the time I got to spend with him.  I think everyone needs to be able to find a kindred and regardless those moments were precious.